i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
