Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize