That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize