if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just pee around me
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
