No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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