I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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