Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
