No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
