she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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