Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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