I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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