you guys were way drunker than both of me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
