I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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