in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm both gender and math confused
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize