Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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