So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
