i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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