i wish there were pregnant emoticons
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
