Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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