I think I am morally bankrupt
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
