your room smells of hookers.
And success
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
