Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
