Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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