1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
