I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
