if i can run in heels then i can drive
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dicks are not precious.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
