She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
