i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
