im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
