sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
