Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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