You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
