You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
