Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
