wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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