Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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