so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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