I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I love having hate sex.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
