k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize
