my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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