oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
