I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
my poor anus
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
