Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
