I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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