I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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