He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
