i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
