That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
