she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Couch. On fire.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
