You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
