hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize