Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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