Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
