i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I forget how to act sober
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
