We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
