I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize