I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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