I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
