She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
