Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize