I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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