3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
