Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
