I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
